My Ayahuasca Experience - As Much as I can Describe

The shaman prepared a booklet for us in advance and it stated:

"Above all else, this Journey will be about Spirit and deepening our connection to the world of Spirit. Partaking of the indigenous healing medicines can offer an acceleration into the spiritual world that is profound and very real."

Although some friends said: "I looked it up and you're going to poop and puke simultaneously."

One friend said it was an amazing experience and he shared some incredible things with me.

My friend who brought me goes monthly and says it cured her of cocaine addiction.

On "Weeds" it looked horrible but Mary Louise Parker looked very pretty.

So I didn't know what to expect.

I'd love to be able to explain it all but I can't as some things are to be experienced. And everyone's experience is different, even in the room last night. Also they say you will gain wisdom and that is hard to share. Knowledge can be explained. Wisdom sometimes can't.

That said I will state the process, a few things I realized and how I feel today.

After following a strict purifying regimen for a few days, about 21 people gathered in this couple's home. Why they would open their homes to 21 people who just may poop or puke, god knows. But then when we were all sleeping on the floor and they retired to their bedroom, I almost wanted 21 people to hurl in my home, just so I could lay on my comfy mattress. But to just let you know, some hurled, some didn't, no one pooped. And we all were told to bring buckets. That's right, folks, buckets.

So we all made our little camps, got to know each other, and were introduced to the shaman, and the shaman's even more shamanic friend from Peru - Tito. Tito spoke no English but didn't have to. He fluttered like a bird and emanated love and warmth. So did the American Shaman.

We met each other, I was surprised that I knew one person from television, and my friend set up a space next to me and brought out all her little articles that she brings, since this was her 15th time. Apparently she needed lip balm and a mint since the medicine was very nasty tasting. It is referred to as medicine, not drugs. I can get that. Especially the day after.

I did a thumbs up to the lady across who also was doing it to for the first time, and the ceremony began. There's so much that occurred and I can write about it but that won't do the experience justice. We all drank (it was nasty) simultaneously and then these big hearted men sang, danced and somehow intuited our every need. My friend warned me that the taste was nasty and the waiting until it took effect was also not her favorite part. I waited and closed my eyes. The lights were out and music often played.

For a while I assumed it didn't work. Then I saw little purple things. I figured this wasn't such a big thing. Then my thoughts turned to clay. That's the best way to explain it. What wasn't too enjoyable was the sound of other people enjoying their buckets, what was enjoyable were some amazing moments of vision and feeling. At one point Tito grabbed my right leg and shook it and talked in Spanish. It was only after that I realized it had been shaking on its own. He also touched my head and heart (literally) and I got caught up in the music (remember, it's dark and we're all closing our eyes.) I went through a lot, but mostly judgements of how I thought it was supposed to go and I gave those up. I wanted to hurl- "la purga" - because it signified a huge release, but I didn't. And then I just told the medicine to do what it was supposed to without my preconceptions. And it did. Some of it didn't feel well or look pretty, some did. I finally gave in to some sleep afterwards, but I got one thing for sure: I, a literal writer person, expected healing and release to be literal. Like, I'd see my mother, yell at her and let it go. That was how I thought healing went. It didn't. What I got were a lot of jumbles and visions and symbols and such. And what I really got was that I don't have to understand healing, just trust it's taking place. And it did.

Because when I woke up, even with little sleep, I felt better, more content, present and balanced than I have in months. My chronic hip pain wasn't there. My headache was gone. I felt good. Strangely enough, after being told not to eat after 1pm yesterday, at 7am today all the contributions for a light, healthy breakfast didn't appeal to me. It is now 3:32 and I haven't eaten much or wanted to. We spent the morning watching the shaman be amazing with a woman who had a not so good experience after drinking twice, and then we went around and shared what we got. It was incredible. I asked a translator to help me ask Tito why he shook my foot, and he said my right side called to him. That I had problems with masculine energy and that made a lot of sense. I have been running myself crazy on work, work and more work without nurturing my feminine side- my heart. This also explained why my left shoulder seized up. He worked on me in the morning and opened my heart up more. He is a very beautiful man, that Tito.

Many others are doing another journey tonight and part of me envies them. I would like to go deeper and push myself through the "portal" since a lot of my first time was about battling with my head and judgements. But tomorrow is the 8th grade Orthodox Jewish girls' play and since I didn't know what to expect, I decided to have Saturday to recuperate so I wouldn't rush from a two day journey onto the stage in the middle of act two and puke and swat imaginary pineapple people. (Pineapple people was an actual share by someone of what she saw. That made me happy).

I am proud of myself for my commitment to self growth, to facing fears and to taking an adventure. It wasn't all fun but I will do it again.

Thank you for letting me share.