History Repeats Itself (Or at Least History Essays)

One of my 6th grade girls wrote in an essay, “The Spanish Inquisition was when they tried to convert Jews into Spaniards.” I laughed at this until I was reminded of when I used to think that Israel was one of the 50 states. Now, people of Europe who continually shake their heads at Americans’ knowledge of world history, please stop reading this now. I certainly don’t want you to know that at age 16 I went to England during the summer and asked them how they celebrated July 4th. I believe a very stoic Brit replied, “We don’t usually celebrate our losses.” Boy, did that Plymouth Rock my world.

I believed that everything they told us in history classes was The Truth. I also believed that Hollywood movies would teach me everything and I wouldn't have to read textbooks. My brother Evan shot that theory down when he informed me in the ‘80’s that the movie, “Mobsters” (starring a young Patrick Dempsey, ladies) would not teach me what really happened in gangster times as those men didn’t even know each other when they were hot teens. (And was Meyer Lansky ever indeed a hot teen? Patrick Dempsey would have us believe he was.)

So imagine my fears when my Orthodox Jewish school informed me I would be teaching History along with English. Now I had started to learn and love it. I have written screenplays about Kennedys and pilots about politicos, but what did I know from Ancient Times or The Middle Ages? (I think I just heard Europe shriek!) I apologize, parents of my students, who are now reading this. But not to worry! And may I say, “Hashem bless Netflix!” I have watched over 20 documentaries – not Hollywood films (Thanks Evan) and learned oodles. Unfortunately I can’t show any of them to my students, as they are not deemed appropriate, but I did learn enough to help me teach. And may I say they were far more appropriate than me showing Showtime’s “The Tudors,” especially the scene where Henry masturbated while some poor sod had to stand there and hold a basin underneath. Imagine that poor guy showing up to his children’s career day at school and sharing about being “The Royal Spluge Catcher?”

But I digress.

I have learned, watched, read, power pointed and most importantly, gotten away from dates and trivial details and began each lesson with, “You know what was really cool about this time period?” And I know I’m succeeding because in last year’s history class that another teacher taught, one girl hated it so much she always scheduled doctor appointments during that time. Now, my kids get mad if they miss our history lessons. I am very proud of that. I have fallen in love with history and try to inspire that in others.

And as for The Spanish Inquisition remark- it was in an English essay and those girls aren’t up to The Middle Ages yet. But you can bet that girl knows her Greek Gods, and how to pull the brains out of an Egyptian mummy’s nose.

Just as I know that Israel is next to Virginia.