Jesus Killed The '80's TV Star

Well not all of them, but a select few, seemed to go the way of ol' J.C. Some of the prettier ones in fact. Lisa Whelchel from "The Facts Of Life," already a Christian, refused to do a storyline where her character was the first to lose her viriginity, so they gave that plot to Natalie. Seriously, of all of them, would you assume Natalie would lose it first? (Although her boyfriend was named "Snake".) Actually all of them could have had sex and gotten pregnant since they all got fat and wore long belted sweatshirts. It would have explained a lot. Lisa then went on to record Christian albums, homeschool her kids and founded "Momtime Ministries." While this is all excellent, I doubt she ever really teaches "The Facts Of Life."

Willia Aames, an old crush of mine from "Eight is Enough" - NOT when he dumbed down to play Buddy Lembeck on "Charles In Charge", was in the Madrigal Ensemble while in high school. Born Albert William Upton (what?) he had a regular rock band while on "Eight Is Enough" called "Willie Aames and Paradise" (the cool kind or as in Heaven?) I can see how "Albert Uptown and Paradise" wouldn't have soared to astronomical stardom like The Willie Aames version did. (what?) Willie then toured the country as Christian superhero, Bibleman. I wonder if he had a sidekick. Did Adam Rich play Sacrament Boy? And how did all that work out for Willie? He has appeared on reality shows, broke and looking like hell. Yes, Bibleman led to Hell. Perhaps it's time to be born yet again.

Kirk Cameron, heartthrob Mike Seaver of "Growing Pains" "turned" while on this show and like Lisa Whelchel, objected to any storylines that were too edgy and racy (and yet he allowed a character to be named Boner.) This explains why there was never "A Very Special Growing Pains -Mike Seaver has genital warts." What a waste of a cute guy with his own attic apartment. Cameron is now an evangelist, made some popular Christian "Left Behind" movies and apparently has published an altered version of Darwin's "The Origin Of The Species." Perhaps it explains why some people are "Left Behind."

While these people have disappeared from mainstream TV (except for Willie Aames making us feel sorry for him on reality shows) other religions seem to bode well for careers. Kabbalah is awesome, Scientology, though laughed at, taught John Travolta that if you don't make a movie about the religion, you'll do fine and he and Tom Cruise continue acting in very racy, sexy and edgy movies.

On a final note, I'd like to point out that while "Blossom's" DOCTOR Mayim Bialik turned Conservatox Jew (Jew detoxing?) this did not stop her from appearing as lesbian Jodi Funkauser 3x in "Curb Your Enthusiasm" ( a racy but extremely UNsexy show). You wouldn't see Cameron or Aames doing that! And Lisa Whelchel left that role to fellow actress Nancy McKeon. :) The only freakish thing about Bialik is that she's a vegan. Ick.

So what does that teach us? Jews can be gay, just like Scientologists (though they try to hide it), Christians can't, superheroes can end up homeless and I can't understand why anyone would only want to eat tree bark.

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