How To Sundance Wrong And Love It

Underneath all my confidence and ultra suaveness lies this little nagging voice that always worries: “You’re going to do it wrong!” If I’m already engaged in something it might say, “You’re doing it wrong,” and when I’m done, it will lovingly whisper, “Well that sucked.” In Landmark education we call that your act. This thing, made up when you were a child that you believe and runs you. To battle that, you can say, “Shut up”, “Thank you for sharing,” you can never try anything, or you can create some new belief.

In Peak Potentials (run by T. Harv Ecker, the Canadian Tony Robbins), they have two sayings about this. 1: Ready, Fire, Aim! Which means, don’t wait till it’s all perfect, just try and then fix your messes. Which leads to their second saying, “Correct and continue.”

All this coupled with a wonderful section of the book, The Artist’s Way, on not doing things perfectly, means two things: 1. I do a lot of self growth work and 2. I’d never do Sundance Film Festival, my dream, unless I just shot myself out of a canon and went this year. I mean, the stars did all align and the book Conversations With God says, when you’re ready, the signs will appear, so I looked: I had won some money in a Screenwriting Competition, my school had off and I reunited with a friend via Facebook who lived in Utah of all places, and after listening to my manager, and with a bit of prodding from friends, I decided, in January, to go to Sundance. I knew I should have planned well in advance and that “act”, voices and Ben and Jerry’s in my stomach were all screaming, but by gum, I was going to take it all on and do Sundance wrong, but finally do it- this year.

How to do it wrong? Start planning in January to go Monday, January 25- Friday, January 29th. How to do it even wronger? More wrong? Wrongially? (Ack, I’m using wrong-ish grammar!) First, I realize it follows another self growth course in San Francisco (Power And Contribution) and so I fly back home Sunday night and then fly out to Sundance Monday, rather than flying from San Francisco right out to Sundance. Second, I book the flight from Monday – Saturday, then realize I have an all day class on Saturday so spend $100 more to change your flight. Which is what I did. (Life lessons can be expensive, folks.) After that, things were easy. The semi-grownup in me booked a rental car and airport parking. And had to change them a few times. And then when my friend in Utah said she’d lost her job and could drive me around, cancel the car reservation. (So with the $100 flight change fee, I was up $160! Yay!)

Third, I online to get tickets and I realize that you’re supposed to buy a package a million years before. And then, don’t even buy tickets till Monday night, online, and realize most things are sold out, but you can get tickets to things for Wednesday- Friday because apparently no one but me stays till then. They all went the first weekend when you’re supposed to go. That’s when parties are and the celebrities are here. But my friends and I do find tickets to movies and then the computer freezes and we lost them but then we get them again and I’m happy.

Monday has come and gone, and I just picked out tickets. Tuesday, we’re trying to get my friend a job (and I think we did!!! ☺) and we have a late start. Then it’s off to Park City. And I have to say, from here on in, I have a ball. Actually, I’ve had a ball the whole time. As I was doing it wrong! And As I had the time of my life, I also learned what to do for next year. Correct and continue! My friend (an amazing sport) and I exchanged an 8:30 am movie ticket because that was ridiculous, will see our 5th movie today, we’ve gone to a party, seen a friend of mine, talked to everyone and we saw how incredibly beautiful Utah is in the winter! I woke up every morning to see dogs in the backyard playing in snow. Snow! (I’m living in LA). The trees are beautiful, the little houses are great, I learned how hard it is to buy wine for a party in a Mormon state, and I’m not kidding- I think we got my friend the job she really wants. Not to mention she was a cop and criminal investigator so she helped me with my Mentalist script. I leave today and I had a blast!

So today’s lesson, kiddies, is the following: Do your dreams. I’ve wanted to go to Sundance for 10 years and always had “reasons.” But by being “Unreasonable” I threw myself here, completely “did it wrong,” had a great time, am very proud of myself and now I know other ways to plan for this, if I choose. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And you can do all of this while helping end unemployment by getting your friend a job!

Jesus Killed The '80's TV Star

Well not all of them, but a select few, seemed to go the way of ol' J.C. Some of the prettier ones in fact. Lisa Whelchel from "The Facts Of Life," already a Christian, refused to do a storyline where her character was the first to lose her viriginity, so they gave that plot to Natalie. Seriously, of all of them, would you assume Natalie would lose it first? (Although her boyfriend was named "Snake".) Actually all of them could have had sex and gotten pregnant since they all got fat and wore long belted sweatshirts. It would have explained a lot. Lisa then went on to record Christian albums, homeschool her kids and founded "Momtime Ministries." While this is all excellent, I doubt she ever really teaches "The Facts Of Life."

Willia Aames, an old crush of mine from "Eight is Enough" - NOT when he dumbed down to play Buddy Lembeck on "Charles In Charge", was in the Madrigal Ensemble while in high school. Born Albert William Upton (what?) he had a regular rock band while on "Eight Is Enough" called "Willie Aames and Paradise" (the cool kind or as in Heaven?) I can see how "Albert Uptown and Paradise" wouldn't have soared to astronomical stardom like The Willie Aames version did. (what?) Willie then toured the country as Christian superhero, Bibleman. I wonder if he had a sidekick. Did Adam Rich play Sacrament Boy? And how did all that work out for Willie? He has appeared on reality shows, broke and looking like hell. Yes, Bibleman led to Hell. Perhaps it's time to be born yet again.

Kirk Cameron, heartthrob Mike Seaver of "Growing Pains" "turned" while on this show and like Lisa Whelchel, objected to any storylines that were too edgy and racy (and yet he allowed a character to be named Boner.) This explains why there was never "A Very Special Growing Pains -Mike Seaver has genital warts." What a waste of a cute guy with his own attic apartment. Cameron is now an evangelist, made some popular Christian "Left Behind" movies and apparently has published an altered version of Darwin's "The Origin Of The Species." Perhaps it explains why some people are "Left Behind."

While these people have disappeared from mainstream TV (except for Willie Aames making us feel sorry for him on reality shows) other religions seem to bode well for careers. Kabbalah is awesome, Scientology, though laughed at, taught John Travolta that if you don't make a movie about the religion, you'll do fine and he and Tom Cruise continue acting in very racy, sexy and edgy movies.

On a final note, I'd like to point out that while "Blossom's" DOCTOR Mayim Bialik turned Conservatox Jew (Jew detoxing?) this did not stop her from appearing as lesbian Jodi Funkauser 3x in "Curb Your Enthusiasm" ( a racy but extremely UNsexy show). You wouldn't see Cameron or Aames doing that! And Lisa Whelchel left that role to fellow actress Nancy McKeon. :) The only freakish thing about Bialik is that she's a vegan. Ick.

So what does that teach us? Jews can be gay, just like Scientologists (though they try to hide it), Christians can't, superheroes can end up homeless and I can't understand why anyone would only want to eat tree bark.

Comments?

You Don't Need To Get High To Attend A Bat Mitzvah

I’m sure I have attended a Bat/Bar Mitzvah since 1981. But I can’t remember. I teach at an Orthodox school and turn down invitations because I’d have 30 a year to attend, but this was outside school. I barely knew the girl and figured it would be boring as hell and I should eat a (medical marijuana approved) pot brownie so I’d find everything really funny and enjoy the food 100% more, but I did not imbibe and turned up sleepy and sober. It started at 10am. What????

I missed a lot of the religious part but saw enough to really get how close this congregation was. And I spent most of the service and party with a writer’s eye and a nostalgic heart, taking in everything. When I remember my Bat Mitzvah (and my parents threw some lame Bar/Bat mitzvahs) my strongest memories are the following:

• I was excited to have all the attention
• Because I was so short the family joke was I was the “hole in the wall” in family photos
•My mother never got around to making an album for me
• I wrote my own speech and it seemed to be funny
• My lame parents scheduled it on Halloween so a few kids didn’t come. &^&^%%$!!!
• All the boys took off their shoes and spent the whole time sliding around the floor, much to the girls’ dismay.

Yesterday it was this huge, beautiful ceremony. The girls looked older than I think we ever did. The boys hung out with them. In fact the Bat Mitzvah girl had a boyfriend. At thirteen. I must say she was very pretty and seemed to skip preteen awkwardness. And what’s even weirder – she loved her Temple, her religion and her parents. I barely knew this girl but I was riveted to the slide show of a happy family and loving sisters, and the candle lighting ceremony and how she celebrated all of these people and groups in her life. This 13 year-old really seemed to appreciate who she was, who she loved and how much they had contributed to her.

I thought back to my candle lighting ceremony or my brother’s – I couldn’t remember – and don’t remember honoring those people the way she did. This girl wrote a tribute on the cards. And the father-daughter dance? It brought back a rush of heart-felt memories of my father and I dancing at my cousin’s wedding. That guy might be crazy, but I loved to dance with him. No matter how many times I might have found my parents embarrassing, dancing with my father was wonderful each and every time. He made this fun face of mock-concentration, a heap of fun and just a dash of rogue to top it off.

Between being touched to learn more about this girl than the few times I’d seen her at religious events, seeing the love and honor she gave to family, friends and her Temple, remembering Bat Mitzvahs circa the ‘80’s, and always loving a good buffet – I didn’t need that (medical marijuana approved) pot cake at all. I had to struggle with my ever-crappy feelings about aging, but I practiced letting it go over and over again. The Mohawked DJ (that was pretty 80’s) played music I actually knew and my favorite moment (as you can guess) was when he let the kids eat and then said: “Adults, you’re going to have to play a game called Who Wants To Eat First?” I was ready for a lame game until he announced, “Name this TV theme song and your table eats first.”

I think I lobbed over two tables and waved my hand before he spoke. And of course, I missed the first one. I’d never been a fan of the A-Team but thankfully my fellow “Ocelot” (that was the name of our table) guessed it and it was time to fill up our plates. I didn’t know a lot of people there but for one second we were all connected as hands flew from all the other tables – the Tigers, Panthers, etc. screaming, “Gilligan’s Island!” “I Dream Of Genie!” I was in heaven. As I’ve always believed, TV, not George W Bush, is the great uniter. I watched those Gazelles and Sloths pile their plates, I guessed along with the TV themes, eating my buffet early thanks to Mr. T’s great TV run and fellow Ocelot’s guess and yes, I forgot about being an adult for one minute as I descended upon that ice cream bar.

I was touched, moved, inspired, happy, full, cold (from the ice cream) and really impressed with this young lady. And my fellow TV viewers. I’d never have thought all that when I was first told I’d have to attend this at 10 am (means wake up at 8am on my day off) and all the way down was told “What a good sport you are.” It reminded me of this lovely Buddhist saying:

“Half the things you hope for don’t happen. Half the things you fear don’t happen. So just let things happen.” It reminds me to just show up, without expectations, and see what Life has planned for me.

So happy Bat Mitzvah, Gabrielle. You don’t really know me but you have made an impact on my life.

If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix it- TV Gripes #2

Adding or subtracting a cast member or two, or a marriage, or changing from Black & white to technicolor are all acceptable, but when some shows change the location, cast or at times, everything… we wonder why it even continued.

I remember “Beverly Hills 90210” (the first one) was a show about twins and their parents. By the end of the show, not one member of that show was still around. It was also about high school kids. By the end, I think the characters were all collecting social security. I don’t remember. And did ER end with anyone it started out with? I’m waiting to see if “Scrubs” goes the same way. It is now a teaching hospital without the main character. It’s about some new characters, a few old ones and some characters we don’t even talk about. Carla anyone?

Who asked Archie Bunker to move to a bar? Did Cheers move to a living room? No. What would that have been like? Would the alcoholism seem just a little bit sadder if they were all on couches?

Who asked Heroes to spend all of its time in a carnival? Did the show “Carnivale” suddenly have people with superpowers saving the planet? Alas, perhaps it would have survived longer. Good show except the preacher with the black eyes creeped me out (True Blood brought the creepy black eye thing back but this time it occurs when people are involved in orgies. It used to be just demonic eyes, now it’s orgy demonic eyes. Blech.)

Remember when Charles In Charge changed their entire family? Does anyone remember it was a brunette family that then was replaced with a blonde one? How would you have felt if one day you had turned on the Brady Bunch and they just happened to replace everyone with Cambodians? Would they all still have worn those groovy striped pants?

Do we remember a whole other cast and title of Ellen’s sitcom? It was about some friends and entitled “These Friends Of Mine.” Then it canned most of them and changed to “Ellen.” By that logic, what if NBC had felt that the first year of “Friends” didn’t work, replaced them all with monkeys (thereby keeping Marcel), called it “Monkeys” and said it was basically the same show too? How did Ellen get away with it?

It took me a while between year one and two of Facts Of Life, getting used to 4 girls instead of about 8, and I was OK when they all lived in one room. I was still there when they worked for Mrs. Garrett at the good ol’ edibles shop, but it was too much when the 80’s took over, they worked in a store that sold what??? replaced Mrs. Garrett with Cloris Leachman, and everyone got fat. That was way too much to adjust to. Imagine Eight Is Enough slashing by 4 kids (or Jon and Kate), moving them all to work over a cigar shop, replace Dick “I have four facial expressions and none of them are cute” Van Patten with his cousin played by Ted McGinley (see above blog to learn my feelings on him or go to: http://www.tvguide.com/keywords/jts-ted-mcginley) and they all struggle with early ‘80’s obesity as well. (In comments below, please indicate which 4 should have been saved).

Add a little southern boy and Dixie Carter to Different Strokes, give Mary Richards a new apartment, kill off Rhoda’s husband, replace the blonde every three years on Charlie’s Angels or Three’s Company, sadly replace the guy from Three’s Company on Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter, send the guys from Lost home, and back, and in the past and back, and in a hatch and out… Change the cast of Law And Order regularly- I mean, come on – it’s been 20 years! Lose the redhead from NYPD Blue and replace him with Jimmy Smits, then the little kid from Silver Spoons and then the little kid from Saved By The Bell – heck- put Screech on the Sopranos – or kill off a beloved character named after a woman’s genitalia with an adjective that means it’s been stretched too far. Thanks to history, I am prepared when The Tudors loses a wife every year or so and a show adding a wife, husband or Cousin Oliver is fine. I can deal with gradual changes. Goodbye Paula, hello Ellen. High school kids should eventually graduate, Jim and Pam should have definitely tied the knot, it’s okay that Klinger hung up his dress though I missed Radar very much – but guys the show was so good, I bought that the Korean war lasted long after Bush declared “Mission Accomplished” in 2003.

Tuck, patch, mend, evolve. That’s all fine and dandy. But I barely recognize the 35 year-olds who never went to college in Smallville, Prison Break broke in one season, who the hell was cousin Pam and why did the Cosby Show need her? I didn’t want Dallas or Roseanne to all just be a dream, or for the whole cast of West Wing to step aside so we could see Jimmy Smits and Alan Alda herald a future John McCain and Barak Obama to a T. Did anyone else realize that? An over the hill, too moderate white Republican takes on an ethnic youthful Democrat?? Holy smokes!!!

Overall I leave you with this: Many shows “jump the shark” – i.e. live past their usefulness. A few make very bad choices. But some make really huge divergences from the original premise and people that we tuned in for. They should open with a disclaimer. Something like: “Do not adjust your TV sets. The following show bears virtually no resemblance to the show you fell in love with in the first place. But since you’ll watch crappy sequels just to see it to the bitter end (Hey, I saw Superman IV the Quest For Peace!!), pipe down, sit back and enjoy.”

Need I say: Valerie/Valerie’s Family/The Hogan Family?

Darrens Vs. Chucks

As TV returns (thank the heavens) after a brief holiday respite, I am reminded of some inconsistencies in shows and how they try to fool the audiences. I was explaining to a friend, the difference between “chucks” and “darrens.” And it goes a little something like this:

“A darren” is when a show replaces a character with another actor and hopes you will accept it and move on. This began with the famous “darren switch” on the show “bewitched.” Both were darrens were played by men named dick. Sargent and york. (for trivia buffs, “Sergeant york” is a movie title.) this has become a pop culture term: “To pull a darren.” The show “roseanne” did it and really made fun of itself as it did so. It switched the actors who played becky (and later switched back), but this smart show acknowledged it. In one episode they had “new becky” and the family watching “bewitched” and they commented on the darren actor switch. They all laughed and said, “who would be dumb enough to fall for that?” And new becky laughed hardest of all.

“darrens” are ok. there are reasons to pull a “darren.” Maybe you lose the actor to death, failed negotiations, they want to go off to college... but at least the show takes care of you. Whether or not the replacement works, they have thought to try to bring in someone.

Not so with “a chuck.”

A “chuck” is when a character just disappears and they never address it. Famously named after richie’s older brother chuck in the first episode (or first three episodes?) Of “Happy days.” It wasn’t a bad idea to get rid of him, it’s how it was done. All i remember is chuck coming down the stairs, going off to basketball practice... but then suddenly he wasn’t there!!!! and they never explained anything. They did make one “roseanne like” satirical comment in the last episode of “happy days” when they all got together at a party. I believe someone said “If only chuck were here.” They were laughing, but my god. they just took him away and never explained it. These past two years two shows I watch have “pulled a chuck” as well. “friday night lights” had this gang character. he had an entire arc and storyline for a season. Buddy garrety took him in. but the beginning of the next season the guy was gone, they never mentioned him and buddy’s daughter was living with buddy instead. Where did he go? To “basketball camp” with chuck?

The same thing happened on “heroes.” There was a little girl named Molly. She was a great character. She had a huge influence as she could locate other people with abilities. two main characters practically adopted her. then poof! next season. No molly, and no explanation. She didn’t even like basketball! “heroes” also blundered by giving a main character, nathan, a wife and family and then they just sort of left. tonight they showed nathan’s funeral, and I kept looking for the family... molly... the gang guy... chuck.... but alas. no one.

I guess the conclusion to this is, sometimes tv people have to go away. and i prefer a “darren” to a chuck.” In a darren, it’s like you get a stepmom, who takes mom’s place. it’s not the same, but at least someone is making your lunch. But a chuck. man, that’s like a dysfunctional family and mommy’s gone and not only don’t they talk about it but they do a “men in black” or if you watch “heroes” - a “haitian mind erase” -and pretend it never happened. which can make you feel depressed and stupid.

To the tv powers that be. when you make people disappear, please let us know. we can handle it if they go to that great big basketball camp in the sky. just be honest with us. or we’ll do a “ ted mckinley” which someone once pointed out, brings about the end of a show. once ted joins the cast- (happy days- roger, love boat- your ships’ photographer, married with children- jefferson...) you’ll probably be cancelled.

so if you do a darren or a chuck, we’ll do a ted and you’ll disappear not our beloved characters.